“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.”
George MacDonald
Trust is a big word. It takes a while for any of us to say "I trust you". And what to do if somebody has destroyed your beautiful garden of trust? What if you can't possibly trust anybody who can even hardly remind you on that person or....maybe you've lost your believe in people in general?..Fine let's go back to the beginning.
Draw the picture:
this is the one you love, who did something you could not imagine this person would ever do to you. You feel hurt. And it is absolutely does not matter if one cheated on you or just lied about something or mistreated - you have lost your believe in this person. As Mark Darcy ("Pride and Prejudice") said:" ...but my good opinion once lost, lost forever". Let's say it was so... So this person lost your trust. Maybe it was your passionate lover, maybe your best friend... it does not matter.
Ok, and now imagine it is a while ago. You just met a person who seems to be very nice. It is a nice evening: you are drinking wine, discussing the film you just watched, listening to some jazz band playing here in this small Spanish bar. You feel good. The person says it is some nice party his/her friends hosting tonight, asks you if you want to come - you say no. Some other time you meet him/her in the coffee shop and the person asks you how are you doing and you say you have some complications doing some project. He/She tells you: "Oh,I had those difficulties too. May I help you?". You're smiling, your eyes are a little bit sad, something you might forgot just passed by in your own thoughts. "No, thank you. I think I'll deal with that" - would be your answer.
Well, I guess the situation is already clear. When you are losing your trust it would be very hard for you to trust other people, even in small things. I know our world is big and dangerous, everybody are living in some virtual reality and if they are not, they trying to close themself as a locket with a secret inside, and are scared to even mention that locket exists.
Guys, this is wrong. There are to many bad people, who will be happy to know you are sad and lonely, don't really want to see anybody. Do not make this people happy! I know how hard this cold be to trust a man, when you your ex-boyfriend mistreated you. And I also can imagine how hard it is to believe this woman would not ever cheat on you, when your ex did. This would be a long process to recover and rebuild your trust, but it worth it to start doing that.
Start with some little things. For example, a young men want to buy you a cocktail. Don't think right away: "He wants to get me drunk"! Maybe, he does not. Anyway, try to calm down and do not make any conclusions, just note that as some nice thing done from his turn. Well, if however you still feel yourself uncomfortable thinking he is bad bad boy, smile, say: "It is very nice of you" and order non-alcoholic drink. He wants to pay anyway, so what's the matter? If he insists... this is the other question.
Another thing, and I believe this is important one, is not to be afraid of telling other people about your fears and feelings. It would be easier for other person to understand your actions and reactions. Remember that sometimes we just have a different logic: what's logical for me, can be rubbish for you.
You will see how easier it would be to trust one in big things, when you already trust one in small. Notice that I don't tell you to trust every single person and looking for explanations for every bad things people do. Be sensible. Just, if you like somebody, if you think this person might be good for you, but you have suspicions or doubts, try to be objective! Give others a chance!
Believe in yourself first and than let yourself meet new people, go out and...find new friends or even new love. I wish you luck!
Sincerely yours,
Lady Svetlana.
Hmm, Trust… Well, it is too complicated to say in a few words or write it down on 10 sheets of paper (I guess you can’t ever stop to write or thin about it, you can probably write a poem, just use the synonym words like Trust, Trustfulness, Trustworthiness or Belief). We are all having our own opinion about this amazing and little bit mysterious word. Our whole experience builds on these five letters!
ОтветитьУдалитьSo:
“Trust is both and emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you cos I have experienced your trustworthiness and cos I have faith in human nature.
We feel trust at first hand. Emotions associated with trust include companionship, friendship, love, agreement, relaxation, comfort. There are a number of different ways we can define trust. Here are the dimensions of trust and consequent definitions”
Truth or Lie?
I can’t say you, I tell always true. It is just impossible! And I know how does it feel to lie, e.g. you don’ want to go for a drink with your friends (cos your day was not so cool or you have headache or you have a date tonight). So, what can you say? You have planned for a while to drink with your friends, but you can’t say “I don't really fancy doing that”, and you beginning to search for a lame excuse. Cos you don’t really want to hurt your friends… Your friends will understand that, cos, the are your friends and they accept the way you are.
What about partnership?
Well, this is the most difficult question… If you meet somebody, who is really nice, attractive and smart, you beginning to trust this person. I agree, you can’t trust 100% to this person (it’s stupid to do this), but it is a long way, step by step you learn more and more about this person. After a certain time you can say to your heart, I trust this person, cos I know this person and I’m so happy with this person. But, you ask you hither and thither how long will it take??? I bet this is a stupid question, however it is a reality.
After several weeks, months or years you learn something terrible about this person. He/she says, I don’t really like you and I don’t want to stay with you anymore… He or he just runs away like a yellow chicken after cutting the head. And he/she say we don’t have more a similar points to discuss… You probably think, OMG I was all my time with this person and I have TRUSTED him or her. But now, I don’t really want to see him or her… Perhaps you will try to speak or strive for this person, though this makes no sense at all. If somebody will go away, just let him/she goes and never waits. Cos he/she knows, you can’t ever trust him/her like it was before. I know it’s hard to accept it, but it is beneath yours dignity or honor…
Uh-oh, too much information? ^^ But it’s our life, our reality. Partnership was and will be always not secure. But it doesn’t mean you can’t trust anymore. This is just wrong time and wrong person.
My mantra is: Just enjoy your life! That'll go off all right, not today or tomorrow, but SOME WONDERFUL DAY WILL BE YOUR DAY… ;)
Hello,Cheater!
ОтветитьУдалитьThanks for a comment!Nice to hear your point of view.
Well...what can I say? Well, I, actually, was trying to discuss the situation, when you lost your trust to an exact person (and this person surely lost for you, because you will always think about the situation, reasons why it has happened like that etc.)and now want to learn trust other people. I did not say a word about, how to recover you trust to person, who hurt you. This is to complicated. Well, for me it is, actually, easy, but I don't believe everybody would agree with me. I forgive and let go - it does not mean I would never ever say "hello" to the person,but..conversations, word I pick, emotions - everything will be different. And it is clear...
I love your mantra! :-)
Sincerely yours,
Lady Svetlana